What would you expect?

Were sorry we called the cops please come back

I'm never going to understand banks. Well I understand the concept, the whole we invest your money and give you some of the profit deal, but not the way they work with there clients that baffles me, well particularity the treatment they have for young clients making <$9/hr (A.K.A. me).

Right before Christmas I was having trouble with my employers direct deposits so they had to pay me by cheque, they gave me cheques for my last month and naturally I put them in my account. (no problems I have instant access to unverified funds on corporate cheques up to $1500 and a student fees plan so I dont pay service charges on transactions) I then headed out to to some much overdue Christmas shopping (keep in mind here Im a man so this was pretty late) and I was shocked to find that while purchasing a present for my (at the time) girlfriend, my account came up with insufficient funds. Now anyone who has had this happen knows its embarrassing and just a pain in the ass to deal with. So since I know its after 4 and that theres nothing more I can do I put the gift on hold and drive home.

The next day I headed back to the bank eager to get some money so my parents wont disown me and my (at the time) girlfriend wont dump me, I went to the ATM and checked my balance, it was all there, I tried to withdraw and still got insufficient funds. I had to, as much as the concept frightened me, consult a real person. I went to the teller and asked why there was a hold on my cheques. She said there wasnt one. I asked why I couldnt access my money. She said I could. I asked to withdraw $300. She told me I couldnt yet because it hadnt been processed, it would take 7 (business) days to process. I told her that was called putting a hold on my cheque. She denied it. This went on for a short loop until I gave up and sought higher authority. I set up an appointment to see a bank manager. Tomorrow of course.

The next day I drove back to the bank, got to the appointment with 10 minutes to spare, and waited in the waiting area for 40. When I finally got to see Mrs. Manager she was remarkably unhelpful. She told me there WAS a hold on the cheques AND that there shouldnt be, but that she couldnt do anything about it. She also said that I coulnt get my cheques back to get cash somewhere else. I brought out my opening statement and contract which said I would have access to the money and told them that it was a violation of this contract. She said there was nothing she could do. I said I wasnt leaving until I had access to my money (I couldnt either I had no gas and no money for gas). She called the cops.

She called the cops!?! I had apparently been talking a little louder than the usual bank voice and realized this when a police officer put his hand on my shoulder and asked me what the problem was. I realized my voice was sore and that I had obviously been yelling. I handed the contract over to the officer and pointed to where it said Instant access to corporate cheques and said that they were denying me access to money from my payroll cheques. He looked at the manager and said (pause for dramatic effect)

*drumroll*

"He's right this is criminal behavior"

It took 3 minutes for her to resolve this situation

The next month, after opening up a new credit union account I went down to the bank to close my account. A very nice woman kindly asked me what problems there could have been and I listed everything I had been through with them. She apologized for every one of them and offered me something I couldnt refuse. $1500 access to unverified funds and a $1.50 per month flat rate to cover service charges (the same rate as a student plan). I couldnt refuse this offer because this is the exact same account I already had, AND WAS CLOSING. So she took me to a teller and I got my money, I signed there papers, and that was that.

Or was it?

After all that they were kind enough to send me a letter. It read

Dear BRex

It was brought to my attention today that you closed your account with our bank, as you were unhappy with our service. We apologize that your experience with our bank was not as positive as we had hoped.

We have enclosed a gift certificate to let you know that you are a valued client to us. If at anytime you would like to re-open your account, please do not hesitate to contact us.

It was also signed

There was a gift certificate enclosed good for $10 at ALL STORES in the St. Vital Mall*

Not redeemable at SilverCity, Montana's, Old Navy or for cash

BASTARDS!